Handstands and falling in love

Relationships are hard…so are handstands. When I was a kid, I fondly recall handstands being easy. Kicking up against a wall, no fear. I’m pretty sure relationships were a lot easier too…well maybe not with boys; they thought girls had cooties.

When we were younger, we had no fear. As we grow older, we learn more about what consequences exist. We get hurt so many times, and hurt others, that we find it harder to open up and when we do find someone who breaks down our walls, we immediately want to run. We have ingrained ideas in our heads – I don’t deserve this, it’s too good to be true, I’m going to hurt him/her, he/she is going to hurt me. Those thoughts are way stronger than the faith in falling in love and being happy. Humans are wired for suffering. Misery loves company, right? We support people when they suffer and those happy-go-lucky folks just drive us insane a little. Admit it, you know what I’m talking about. The truth is, we all deserve to be happy, we all deserve love. Sometimes it stares us right in the face, and it’s amazing, it’s effortless, everything just seems to fall into place. We’ll find something wrong, or we’ll just marvel at the amazingness while deep inside just waiting for it to fall apart. We focus on what we fear. We forget to trust and we miss out on the moment, we miss out on falling in love – I mean really feeling it with every fiber of our bodies, our hearts and our souls.

Over a year ago, I was (re)learning handstands, not having done one since I was a kid, and it was scary. So scary. I had to take it slow, I had to feel what was happening in my body. But I wanted to face my fear, to get upside down. I did it, and I ended up with and shoulder injury that’s still healing. But the point is, I did it. I tried something outside of my comfort zone, even for a split second, I had no fear.

Handstands are like falling in love. Scary but exhilarating. Never easy, but so worth it. Requiring so much strength and so much trust, in yourself and your abilities. I know now that I can’t rush a handstand, as I can’t rush love. My injury might resurface, so might pain and resentment from past relationships. All I know is that I want to be upside down and I want to fall in love. I’ll keep practicing. I’ll keep loving. One day I’ll be upside down, and when I fall, he’ll catch me.